Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Battle Royale III: Return of the Battle

Since I didn't do the math at the beginning we're left with three finalists. Here goes.

I originally thought it would be a good idea to just disqualify J&M because nobody knows who they are or what they look like. For all we knew they could be a two headed demon and if that were the case then they absolutely deserve to be in this competition.

Jacoby & Meyers vs Larry H. Parker vs Federated
All three take a different approach to their plan of attack and you'd think the whackadoos at Federated would be at a disadvantage against powerful lawyers but it's the wild card you need to watch out for. Fred Rated brings dynamite to a knife party while his opponents bring lawsuits. Advantage: Fred. Fred also has a plethora of alter egos that easily occupy the same space so what are a few stuffed shirts to do.

Larry H. Parker has made it known that he fights and that he's nearby. I don't know about you but that scares the shit out of me. Advantage: Larry.

Jacoby & Meyers have the whole two headed demon thing going so... Advantage: J&M?

It's a pretty even match if you ask me. Let's let it play out.

Larry comes out swinging and slaps J&M with a cease and desist order which is met with a counter suit stating that they came up with the lawyer commercial first. Larry argues that he was the first to actually appear in his own commercials and that he doesn't use actors. J&M unleashes a fireball from each mouth which ignites Larry's afro. They fail to notice that Fred has filled the court room with explosives and locked them all in. He shows off the finest in 1980's VCR technology before pushing the plunger blowing the four of them to smithereens.

Winner? Fred Rated. He's blown himself up lots of times.