Not a week goes by where I don't look at the world and think "What the hell is wrong with people?" Here is who has annoyed me this week.
1. People who call grills barbecues - It's a grill. Barbecue is either the act of seasoning/flavoring meat then cooking it over an open fire or simply the food itself. It is not a grill. Making hot dogs and hamburgers on a grill is not barbecuing. This guy on TV the other night kept talking about where he was going to put his barbecue and I just about punched out the TV. I'm not a violent person but this really burns (barbecues?) my ass.
2. Robots or lack thereof - There was a time when robots were promised to be the saviors of the near future. They'd farm the fields and clean the kitchen. The concept was a big deal at the beginning of the atomic age. Thanks to communism and an increasingly stupid work force, those promises of robotic servants doing all of those basic tasks so we can pursue things of a more scholarly nature have been quelled to ensure Jasper can have a job cleaning toilets and mopping floors in between Klan rallies. Those of us that did consider ourselves with regards to education and obtaining skills to succeed on a grander level have the Roomba to sweep the floor. I'm so disappointed in humanity.
3. New Jersey - Speaking of disappointments, let's talk about New Jersey. I could do an entire blog on this state but I'll just touch on a few key points so you can go out and enjoy your Friday night. It's hard to pick a starting point because just thinking about these people get me steamed. Metro-sexuality is still going strong in the Garden State. If you thought the ladies were made up like clowns a simple look at the fellas requires a triple take. Not that the ladies don't try to outdo them. There's something about a deep tan combined with bronzer that makes white eye shadow and fake lashes look all the more clownish. Thin eyebrows and equally groomed pseudo beards leave the rest of us wondering who thinks this looks good. This is also one of those states we can look to as blame for not having servant robots. To create more jobs for the morons that populate "Smellyville" they don't allow you to pump your own gas even though pretty much everybody else in this country can manage to do it themselves.
4. Optimists and Pessimists - The glass is half full. The glass is half empty. Did you really need to grab such a big glass? Maybe you should just put some ice in that glass. Optimists like making lemonade when life gives them lemons. Pessimists worry that nobody is going to buy half empty glasses of lemonade. People should just let the universe do what it's going to do and enjoy what they're doing. I have bad luck but rather than worry about it or look on the bright side I simply experience my fortune (both good and bad) with a slight chuckle. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Live in the now.
5. People that don't watch TV - You know the type. Every once and awhile we encounter intellectual types who spew forth statements like "I don't own a TV" or "I don't watch TV." It's not because they don't like TV or can't afford one. They simply get off on leading people to believe that they're so intellectual that books and wine are enough to entertain them. Bullshit! They watch American Idol and Survivor just like the rest of us. The only difference is that the rest of us can do so without being ashamed. Since when do only stupid people like entertainment. TV rocks.
5 years ago