Monday, August 29, 2011

Short blog Monday

"Business Ethics" or "The Fast and Easy Way to Fire Employees"

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Short Blog Tuesday

Why am I afraid of wasps? I've never been stung/bit by one yet I lose my shit whenever one flies at me.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Soap Boxing

I'm sure I'll ruffle a few feathers here but things need to be said.

I understand that we live in a diverse society full of individuals that are unique. Does this mean we need to acknowledge everybody individually? I don't think so. Perhaps it's because I'm part of the white, male between the ages of 30 and 50 demographic that I don't feel the need for my own social identity. It's established and nobody questions it. Come to think of it, nobody even notices it. If I were in a minority group I might feel differently but I can only speculate.

Discrimination sucks. I like to think I'm a pretty accepting person but I don't understand why we need to put everybody on a pedestal to celebrate what makes them unique. Part of the reason we strive for uniqueness is so we can be individuals. The moment we jump on a bandwagon or join a group we abandon that individuality in favor of being recognized as a group.

The whole Bert and Ernie thing is stupid. Yeah, they're both clearly gay but I think we enforce stereotypes by demanding that they get married. Why can't two gay men share an apartment? Is it impossible for two gay men to be friends without being in love? That's almost as bad as saying "All black people know each other."

It seems like everybody is trying to get into a group so they not only have a stronger voice but so they have like minded people to validate their perceived individuality which then nullifies said individuality.

Don't get me wrong. There are people who need a strong voice because of discrimination. They achieve it by unifying with people in the same social situation. It's the other end of the spectrum that really burns my ass. They know who they are. They know they're not special so they fabricate a "social condition" to get that little bit of recognition they feel they deserve.

There used to be many folks out there with peanut and other food allergies. They requires special meals and consideration because of their condition. At some point, EVERYBODY started developing food allergies. I guess being a vegetarian/vegan wasn't enough for them so they found other ways to create a "what about me?" situation. One can only wonder what will happen when these needs are met. I'm sure they'll find another way to tell the world that they're special and need to be accommodated.

We need to spend less time looking for similarities and get back to focusing on our own individuality. Like what you like and do as you please. If other people aren't on board that's okay. You've found what makes you, you. Aligning yourself with other people that are just like you dilutes your identity.

You can be a vegan, Democrat, environmentalist, hybrid driving, Apple customer if you're really into those things. Becoming those things to distance yourself from omnivorous, Republican, industrialist, SUV driving, WalMart customers doesn't do anything except make you prejudiced against those people. Do you want to be a social bigot?

It's time to coexist without being codependent. You have a voice but you also have ears. Share what makes you an individual and accept how other people are.

I'm well aware that there is quite a bit of hypocrisy going on here. I'm criticizing those who criticize. Is it possible to spark change without pointing fingers? Not really. What a wonderful world we live in.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Short Blog Monday

You'd think Hollywood could have come up with a scarier name than Susan Boyle.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Wanna get high?

Just to get it out in the open, I used to get high. I smoked a lot of weed when I was younger. I did it for the reasons that most people do. It makes everything feel good. I don't do it anymore because I came to realize (while high, ironically) that I was diluting my life experience.

Yes, weed makes things easier to deal with. It creates a nice mellow that's hard to get otherwise. Essentially you're shutting down a lot of what makes you an individual. You become a simple creature enjoying the basic function of stimulus and response with little regard for anything else. You don't worry about your obligations and simply live in the moment.

My moment of clarity came after getting stoned and having one of my favorite meals to eat while being high. While enjoying my chicken fried steak I began to comprehend the thick layer of gravy. I noticed how it dominated the various flavors in the breading the cube steak was fried in. The lightly seasoned potatoes and green beans were also masked by the succulent, sausage gravy. Don't get me wrong, the gravy was delicious but it was hard to comprehend the meal without the gravy. There was a corner of chicken fried steak that hadn't been sullied by the gravy yet. I sampled it and was pleasantly surprised by how substantial the morsel was. It was probably enhanced a little by the weed but I still had enough sense to realize just how much I was missing because of that gravy. I finished my meal and gradually came down. I never smoked pot again.

I've learned to experience life on a grander scale. I use all of my senses consciously and without a filter. I smell just as many stinky things as I do pleasant things. In fact, those pungent aromas make me appreciate the nice smells even more. I've since discovered how great perspective is. It never existed when I was high. Everything was good. My desires were stifled because I had no reason to reach higher than I was. Sitting on a shitty couch amidst a cloud of smoke while watching "Smokey and the Bandit" seemed like the perfect way to go through life. I never realized just how pathetic my existence was until I started to actually live.

You need that little bit of discomfort to remind you why you strive for better things. It's not about possessions either. If we were all complacent at the onset of our lives we wouldn't learn how to communicate with each other. As we grew there would be no desire to learn about the world around us. We'd simple enjoy what was right in front of us. We'd be cattle.

People will still get high and that's fine. It's not my place to tell them how they should spend their money or time. All I can do is set an example and show that there is life after weed. Imagine watching a crappy movie and realizing why it sucks. Imagine watching a good movie and realizing why it's good. Imagine your life without the gravy.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Five On Thursday

I haven't complained in awhile.

1. Label Makers
I have a fancy Brother label maker that is pretty sweet aside from the fact that I need a second mortgage to replace the label ribbon. It's a fine piece of machinery. Awesome as it is it's incapable of erasing the memory of this little honey.
I'm sure it did the job for the old ladies of the 70's with their incredibly strong hands. Seven year old Graham wanted to make labels for Lego organizer. I had a multiple drawer system to store the many unique Lego pieces I owned. Once in said drawers you couldn't see them so my mom suggested I make labels for the drawers and handed me the "Label Pistol." My hands were substantially weaker back then and it took all my might to press each letter into the hard plastic ribbon. There was a cutter on it as well but by the time I spelled out "Flat 1X2" I just couldn't cut unless I used scissors which wasted a great deal of that ribbon. Did I mention that the edges of the label did an incredible job of going under your finger nail when you tried to peel off the backing to reveal the adhesive. What a stupid product.

2. Blondes
I've probably ranted about blondes before but I'm going to do it again. There aren't a lot of blondes I find attractive. I can probably count them all using one hand. Many of them are regarded as attractive for simply being blonde and not fat. For the most part it's because they're a caricature of what young boys found attractive back when they were discovering ladies via Poison music videos. Bret Micheals and whatever slut was grabbing at his gonads looked eerily alike so a great many guys had to keep their focus on the tits to ensure they were wanking to the correct individual. I think this is the reason most shallow men select women based upon hair color and rack size. It's a little known fact that blondes age three times as fast as other women. This phenomena occurs because at a certain point you have to start looking at their face. We never really noticed that they've aged horribly because they've got a distraction on their chest. Generally if you see a young looking blonde it's actually brunette. I like redheads.

3. English Rioters
Knock it off, douche bags.

4. Summertime
Why does it have to be so stinking hot? How can anybody stand being all sweaty? If I could skip July and August I'd be happy.

5. Super Parents
First and foremost there is no such thing. There are good parents and there are bad parents. Where parents fall is subjective. If you regard yourself as a super parent you're probably not. I find that the parents that pat themselves on the back usually have a pretty obnoxious brood. The parents that don't flaunt their wares about are usually the ones that fall into the super category. Their kids usually end up being doctors, scientists, and other occupations that further humanity. There are exceptions to every rule of course but there's a reason that most kids who work at their parent's business are assholes. It's because their parents allowed them to be for fear of stifling their creativity. All that those "Super Parents" did was produce an entitled shit head. When I make statements like this I usually hear crap like "When you have kids..." or "You don't understand because..." That's a crock of bull. I know crotch fruit when I see it. Did you have them for their sake or for yours? That's what I thought. You're no super parent. You're a person with kids.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

This is why I do the things I do

Perspective is a funny thing. My highs and lows are marked by where I perceive myself to be.

Sometimes I get a little down because of the people living near me. Other times I'm really happy because of the person that lives even closer to me. My wife rocks. Since I spend a great deal of my time at work my mind is on my job and why I do it.

The monetary compensation is obvious but it goes a lot deeper than that. Do I need the money? Of course. It's how I pay for my stuff. The quality of said stuff is on the better end but I can live without a great deal of it. All I really need is food, transportation, and shelter. I'm not sure if I could settle for less now that I've gotten a taste for the good stuff. If I absolutely lost anything I guess I could live in a crappy apartment, drive a shit box, and eat Ramen for every meal. Thankfully I don't.

Those essential items along with my luxury items have a very specific purpose. They make waiting for death tolerable. The money I make has a long term purpose. I'm essentially saving up for my cremation which will be THE last time my money will be spent on me unless my children decide to dedicate a library or plant a tree (though I'd prefer grass) in my name using whatever cash I leave them but really that's more for them so my cremation is it for me.

Thank God I'm done with work for today. I'm off to mow my lawn.

Saving up for cremation.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Short Blog Monday

No joke. No silliness. Just a really good album.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Adults Say The Darndest Things

An adult was recently asked to rate a computer tech's performance on a scale of 1 to 10. Here's said adult's response.

"I don't have time to give you a rating on the tech. My restaurant is opening in ten minutes and I have to get it ready. There is already a line forming outside and two of my servers called in sick. I'm just too busy."

In response the dispatcher asked if he could just say a number.

"I don't have time to discuss this with you."

Monday, August 1, 2011

Short Blog Monday

Parents then
Child: "My teacher yelled at me then slapped the back of my head"
Parents: "What did you do?"

Parents now
Child: "My teacher yelled at me then slapped the back of my head"
Parents: "Call Barry Zuckercorn. We're suing."