Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Short blog Mon... er Tuesday!

My dog pissed on the patio.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

You still here?

I haven't done a blog in awhile. I've been busy with work and the yard drama so I have an excuse. If I wasn't busy there probably wouldn't be a bunch of posts because I usually need something to inspire me to write. I can't just ramble on about the stellar bowl of cereal I had for breakfast. That wouldn't be interesting.

Today's rambling begins with the homeless. Semantics are a funny thing. Homeless basically means without a home but don't they say that home is where the heart is or where you hang your jacket? Would that mean "Crazy" Chuck's shopping cart is his home? Yeah it's mobile so I guess it would be more of an RV or mobile home.

What if Chuck got his hands on a few really nice refrigerator boxes and some duct tape. Chuck now has a two bedroom bungalow. Not really homeless now is he? Should we call them houseless? Not really because a lot of people don't have houses. Apartment dwellers certainly aren't without residence.

No my friends. Chuck is not homeless. He's more of a hobo. Why don't we use this term anymore? It's because it's not friendly but then again neither are they. Transient? Not really. There is no transition and their residence seeking activities are anything but temporary. They're vagrants if we're being kind otherwise they're hobos. Most hobos are settled into their lifestyle so transient doesn't really describe them.

Now Jules is at a pivotal point in his life. He could be described as a transient but without a plan, residence and occupation he, is as Vincent says, a bum. He's actually a hobo. Bums are special and I'll tell you why shortly. Let's look at the criteria for a hobo.

No permanent residence? They have to sleep somewhere like under a bridge or wherever they stash their crap while they're panhandling. That's their residence. Let's remove residence from the equation.
Occupation? Many panhandle but that's not really an occupation. It isn't income unless there's some regularity to it.
Prospects are really the great equalizer. Everybody has potential but without prospects that potential stays in the bottle.

If you don't have any prospects you're a hobo. They have nothing to establish and maintain. When we were young we thought of them as "grouches" but now that we have a broader viewpoint we know that Oscar had a home. It was shitty but it was his. Oscar was a bum. Bums are settled in. They have a place of residence that they've staked a claim to. People look the other way because they're afraid of bums.

Yes, Oscar the grouch was established. If he lived in a pile of trash next to the road the garbage man would have picked it up at some point. The garbage man actually carried him around like a freaking chauffeur. Have you heard him mucking about in his can? Have you see the elephant trunk? He's probably loaded but a little too eccentric for it to show. Nobody fucks with him because he's cranky. If anything, he's the mayor of Sesame Street. That makes a lot of sense but it only tells half the story. The only reason Oscar is able to live the way he does is because he has an enforcer living in the nearby alley. That enforcer is an 8' yellow bird with the mind of a child and yes he's also a bum like Oscar. They get by on handouts and the kindness of others but truly survive by scaring the shit out of everybody. How long can somebody keep this up without law enforcement getting involved? A pretty long time. Big Bird is 41 years old so you do the math.

Stay the fuck out of Big Bird's alley.

Now we've reached the point where I've forgotten the point I was trying to make.
Please spay or neuter your pets.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Short Blog Monday

I really hope Larry is okay.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Short Blog Monday! Wednesday Edition.

My mom is weird.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 30

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

This song rocked my socks off last year. It still does.

Song Challenge - Day 29

day 29 - a song from your childhood

I used to crack up at this album cover. This song got a lot of play in my house.

Song Challenge - Day 28

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

I've listened to this song more than once. Hopefully I get a window seat on the way to hell.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Short Blog Monday!

You'd think working from your couch would be great. You'd think that.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 27

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

I never took the time to really learn to play the piano and most of my favorite songs prominently feature the piano. I can play quite a few songs on the piano convincingly (except to actual pianists) but numbers like this are way beyond what I'm capable of. I can play this one on the guitar but it sounds like ass. Great. Now I'm depressed.

Song Challenge - Day 26

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

I can play plenty of songs on a number of instruments. This is one of my favorites to play with a band.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 25

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

I'm not the type to laugh out loud and there aren't really any songs that conjure up a chuckle. Performances on the other hand do. This guy is 100% sincere which is what makes it so great.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 24

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

This might tilt a few heads but I think after a few seconds everybody would get it and have a good laugh.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bending... bending... SNAP!

How flexible can one person be? I'm a pretty easy going guy. It takes a lot to get me frazzled and I can make good of most situations. I absolutely hate it when an individual shits in my hand and calls it a brownie.

I'm a jack of all trades and an expert at none but I'm not dumb by any means. I know how things work and why they work. If you expect me to stand idly by while you do something other than what we agreed upon you're sadly mistaken. I'm going to stop you and question what you're doing. If something has to change I'm willing to compromise as long as you're willing to meet me halfway.

The most important thing is if you tell me how long something will take to get done it better be done within that time frame. If you tell me it's going to be five days when you expect to be done in three then get all huffy with me when it ends up taking five days I'm not going to listen to you play your violin.

What I'm trying to say is I'm flexible and I'm fair. I'm willing to work with you if you're reasonable. We both want the same thing in the end so why not do what it takes to make everybody happy?

Am I being obtuse?

Song Challenge - Day 23

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

I'm already married. This was our last song.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Not on my watch patio guy!

I'm sorry but if your team can't follow instructions and the people paying you to do a job catch it you need to suck it up, fix your mistakes, and finish the job right. You DON'T need to reprimand my wife because your jobs are creeping together.

I want to like these guys and I know my constant questioning of their work is pissing them off but it's got to be right. I'm not going to let them do a wonky pattern then try to tell me it's how they do it.

Jill and I are vigilant when it comes to how we spend our money. We warned you that we were going to be here the entire time and that we would speak up if we didn't think it looks right.

Song Challenge - Day 22

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

I don't really get all that sad and if I do music is not a form of therapy. I listen to music when I'm happy. Here's a somewhat sad song I like. It's the first Elliott Smith song I listened to after he committed suicide.

I'm growing a little weary of this challenge but I started it so I have to finish it.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 21

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

I've been a Devo fan since I was young and stupid. I'm pretty sure I'm in that crowd somewhere. It looks like their Lollapalooza performance at Irvine Meadows. They were the secret act.

I was going to post the song I did for day 3 but I decided to show more creativity than the creator of this challenge.

Short Blog Monday!

All of those Obama and Osama headlines are confusing the shit out of me.
I love it when smart people make the same type of music that dumb people make. It comes out the same but not really. The real question is do the dumb people know that this is what their dumb songs are about?

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Song Challenge - Day 20

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

I don't angry very often anymore but I used to be on edge when I lived in California. I used to blast this while sitting on the 405. It felt good.