Monday, January 24, 2011

People are gross

I'm not sure what has happened to society. Either we've always been this way or perhaps we've just never had what we have today. That's an easy explanation but it's far from the truth. People are gross and this is why.


We know what the word means but most people lack even a modicum of the stuff. How does this make them gross? The easiest way to explain this is to look at two things used by them; rental cars and public restrooms.

As soon as people are given free reign on something that doesn't belong to them all bets are off. Their lack of respect for something that somebody else will most definitely be using in the near future is truly incredible. In their own car/restroom they show it the utmost respect. Why? Because it's theirs and any mess will be cleaned by them. When the guy at the Enterprise counter hands over the keys to a Sebring a change occurs.

It's like some evil force has come over them. As soon as they leave the rental lot they immediately stop at McDonald's so they can get a beverage and fries that will both eventually spill after they make their first left hand turn. One, because they make the turn at ten above the speed limit without braking and two, because they decided the dashboard was the superior location for the drink and fries to be placed. Ironically the cup holders will go unused and will survive the ordeal unscathed. Here's where the bathroom/rental car comparison rounds up. After jumping a few curbs and covering 45 miles with the parking brake on they drop off the car and keys pretending that nothing happened. I mention the parking brake use because many people will use the parking brake on a rental while never using the one in their own car. On to the pooper.

Like rental cars, public restrooms have a frightening effect on people. It starts as soon as the door closes. The toilet is optional but if it is used it's used from across the room. I'm of course referring to how men use the restroom. Ladies have to be a little more personal when they destroy a bathroom. They hover, but do so about a foot to the side to ensure they leave a little something extra on the bowl for the next person. It's not a big deal to them because the next person will do the same thing. The circle of life continues. Their attention isn't isolated to the toilet bowl. Things are just as bad at the sink. The soap dispenser must be pumped no less than five times before putting their hand underneath it. Your typical slob will shake off their hands over the counter then use a paper towel to dry off. The spent paper towel joins used toilet paper on the floor because the trash can has been knocked over. If not, they knock it over before washing their hands. The offender walks away from the bathroom like they do the rental car; denying everything.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


It's a little known fact that a younger Graham had his mind set on working in show business. Various wrong turns and dead ends redirected me into the career I have today. There is zero glamor involved but I'm okay with that.

Queue flashback... diddliddilyoop - diddliddilyoop - diddliddilyoop

I was 18 years old and on top of the world. My entire future was staring me in the eyes and I flinched. Opportunity presented itself to me in the form of acceptance letters to dramatic schools that I realized would accept anybody with the funds to attend. I lacked said funds so I decided to do what most people who either live in California or recently moved to California do got a job to pay for things like gasoline, water and electricity. Food was optional.

Casting calls are fairly easy to come by but I quickly learned why so many aspiring actors worked nights. In order for me to book work I'd need to not work my regular job. The paychecks for said work didn't justify quitting my job and did little to put me on an already crowded map so I pretty much sat by the pool without testing the water. Jobs are a funny thing in that they do a good job of taking care of you and being taken care of tends to fuel your devotion. I was devoted to my full my time job.

I'd do an occasional reading for various commercials and put in for extra work but I could never find any that matched what my job paid and those that would never called back. I initially thought I sucked which I still think had a lot to do with it but after some more specific casting calls I realized that it had little to do with how well I acted and more with how I looked. I'm not a handsome man by any means. I'm pretty plain looking which became apparent while looking around the waiting area at dozens of guys just like me. This was easily the most discouraging thing for me along with the helpful advice I got along the way.

When you're starting out it's not quality, it's quantity. That's the only way you're going to pay the bills is if you can work often enough to act full time or supplant a demeaning, part time job with weird hours. I met with a few agents as well and they echoed this which I think might have been their nice way of saying, "We've got five of you. Call us back when you become more handsome."

My other option was to move to New York and become a stage actor. The food thing was starting to get a little more important to me at this point so rather than sell the little bit that I owned to pay for a plane ticket to east I modified my dream slightly. Instead I decided that I really wanted a wife, a house, and a lawn.

It took awhile to get those things but I think I made some good choices thus far.

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm a bloggin' fool.

I've been sharing a lot lately. I think it's because I went so long without posting anything. Now I'm back in the swing of things.

Today was a pretty kick ass Friday. Not too many days kick ass. I have good days but I'm rarely if ever compelled to even use "kick ass" when describing anything but an actual ass kicking.

I got my very own Amazon Kindle today. This is a big deal for me. I'm regarded as a techie because of the nature of my business but generally I'm slow to adopt technology. It usually takes me a year or two to jump on the bandwagon. I like to wait until something new has had a chance to get better then I buy it for half of what early adopters paid. Come to think of it I usually climb aboard by the third generation. My first iPod was the 3rd generation. My Nissan Altima and Pathfinder were both third generation. Now I have a gen 3 Kindle.

I've been using Jill's to read about two thirds of a book and had to get my own. I've since transferred said book to mine. I got a similar cover to Jill's so now I'm just as cool as she is.

After a solid day of work I had a beautiful turkey sandwich then hit up Village Pointe for some bargain hunting. It's a little known fact that almost my entire wardrobe is purchased from the sale racks. I used to be really good at it when I was skinnier. Out here in Fatville USA there was always a surplus in clothes that fit my skinny bod. Most everything could be had for 80% off. The only catch was that I had to buy warm weather clothing during late fall and cold weather clothing in the spring. Old Navy is hardly fancy but It's easy for me to dress like an adult without breaking the bank. Tonight I bought two button down shirts, a pair of corduroy pants, a sweater, and a blazer for $47 big ones. A pretty good haul. I could have left with plenty more but I don't like to spend more than $50 on an outing for clothes. I'll be stylin' and profilin' next time Jill and I go out. The clothes will likely stay in their current pristine condition.

That's it. See you later.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Hey ladies...

What gives? My wife was just sharing a tidbit with me with regards to dating. There are people out there who don't think it's okay for women to ask men out on a second date.

I'm all for equality for women. That being said I don't agree with the notion that women and men are the same. We're not. If you need help moving a heavy piece of furniture you're going to call Mike to lend a hand even if Susan is sitting right next to you. She's there for your emotional needs. Mike's not the type to crack open a yogurt and talk about sweat pants with you.

Dating is where the lines start to get fuzzy. Back in the day men were men and women were women. The game play was pretty much the same except for the fact that both sides knew where they stood. The lines have since been blurred to the point of where people depend on friends and dating websites to make that connection. There are still a few brave souls out there who hit the singles scene and fail on a consistent basis. The reason for this is that the rules of the game have changed. Men are men and women are men as well. let me explain.

The liberated woman can ask a guy out if she wants. These days it's perfectly okay and most guys aren't threatened by this because it's removes a lot of the guess work. The 50's woman would simply show a little more leg and send signals. Today's woman would prefer their suitor to work for it. The poor sap will have to buy drinks for her and her friends and maybe, just maybe she'll pass a glance his way. This is what is referred to as playing hard to get. For 50's woman playing hard to get meant that she wouldn't blow him in the parking lot. Modern woman plays hard to get by not showing any interest whatsoever. This extends to actual dates.

Being the male half of a date you'd think that you've pretty much got your foot in the door and that the hard work is over. Fact of the matter is you don't have your foot in the door. She hasn't even given you directions to the house. He's trying to get to know her while she's formulating an exit strategy in case the date goes awry. If the date makes it to the end without incident then he gets an awkward goodnight kiss. The woman has a very clear picture of how things went. She strategically looked him in the eyes no more than twice and very clearly bumped into him while they waited for their table. She also brushed her hair back to attract attention to her face and laughed at a joke or two. It's obvious that she wants that second date. Let's go across town and check in our guy. Maybe we should give him about 10 or 15 minutes.

In his head the date was a disaster she barely looked at him let alone spoke. he of course didn't notice any of the subtle hints that she was interested. Why is it that men no longer notice these things? It's not because women are doing it wrong. Decades ago these things all worked because the dating scene was almost completely occupied by people who are looking for companionship. These days a group of women at a singles bar consists of maybe one single woman whereas 98 % of the men there are, of course, single save for the two married guys that are playing wing man. Ironically those two guys are getting all the looks from the single ladies and could easily take each and every one of them home. Why? Because they're not interested in the ladies and that in turn gets them interested.

My solution to this a simple one. Women can still play hard to get while being empowered and have men pursuing them because that's what they want. If you're not interested don't go to places where men typically look for interested women. It confuses the shit out of us. If possible wear a bracelet or hat or something that says you're single and looking. You'll get more free drinks and men will be more likely to show interest.

Monday, January 10, 2011


I face 2011 with an optimistic view. I typically hate new years because Christmas is always a real bummer for me but I was really happy this time out. Here's what I'm telling myself this year.

1. Be happy with yourself.
2. Make music. You have no excuses.
3. Read more. You used to do at least two per month. You have a Kindle now. Use it.
4. Finish painting over all that patch work that was done several months ago. If you don't you're no better than your lazy neighbors.
5. Finish refinishing those chairs and that table.
6. Put up more shelves in the storage space and get organized. Buy bins.
7. Help your wife more.
8. Be more frugal. You have plenty of stuff to keep you happy. All you need is food and toilet paper.

I think eight things are pretty good. I'll come up with more things I'm sure but these are all things I'm going to do.