Thursday, January 13, 2011

Hey ladies...

What gives? My wife was just sharing a tidbit with me with regards to dating. There are people out there who don't think it's okay for women to ask men out on a second date.

I'm all for equality for women. That being said I don't agree with the notion that women and men are the same. We're not. If you need help moving a heavy piece of furniture you're going to call Mike to lend a hand even if Susan is sitting right next to you. She's there for your emotional needs. Mike's not the type to crack open a yogurt and talk about sweat pants with you.

Dating is where the lines start to get fuzzy. Back in the day men were men and women were women. The game play was pretty much the same except for the fact that both sides knew where they stood. The lines have since been blurred to the point of where people depend on friends and dating websites to make that connection. There are still a few brave souls out there who hit the singles scene and fail on a consistent basis. The reason for this is that the rules of the game have changed. Men are men and women are men as well. let me explain.

The liberated woman can ask a guy out if she wants. These days it's perfectly okay and most guys aren't threatened by this because it's removes a lot of the guess work. The 50's woman would simply show a little more leg and send signals. Today's woman would prefer their suitor to work for it. The poor sap will have to buy drinks for her and her friends and maybe, just maybe she'll pass a glance his way. This is what is referred to as playing hard to get. For 50's woman playing hard to get meant that she wouldn't blow him in the parking lot. Modern woman plays hard to get by not showing any interest whatsoever. This extends to actual dates.

Being the male half of a date you'd think that you've pretty much got your foot in the door and that the hard work is over. Fact of the matter is you don't have your foot in the door. She hasn't even given you directions to the house. He's trying to get to know her while she's formulating an exit strategy in case the date goes awry. If the date makes it to the end without incident then he gets an awkward goodnight kiss. The woman has a very clear picture of how things went. She strategically looked him in the eyes no more than twice and very clearly bumped into him while they waited for their table. She also brushed her hair back to attract attention to her face and laughed at a joke or two. It's obvious that she wants that second date. Let's go across town and check in our guy. Maybe we should give him about 10 or 15 minutes.

In his head the date was a disaster she barely looked at him let alone spoke. he of course didn't notice any of the subtle hints that she was interested. Why is it that men no longer notice these things? It's not because women are doing it wrong. Decades ago these things all worked because the dating scene was almost completely occupied by people who are looking for companionship. These days a group of women at a singles bar consists of maybe one single woman whereas 98 % of the men there are, of course, single save for the two married guys that are playing wing man. Ironically those two guys are getting all the looks from the single ladies and could easily take each and every one of them home. Why? Because they're not interested in the ladies and that in turn gets them interested.

My solution to this a simple one. Women can still play hard to get while being empowered and have men pursuing them because that's what they want. If you're not interested don't go to places where men typically look for interested women. It confuses the shit out of us. If possible wear a bracelet or hat or something that says you're single and looking. You'll get more free drinks and men will be more likely to show interest.


  1. This should be published on or eHarmony.