Thursday, September 3, 2009

No riding mower?

This is a first for Ask Graham. I've been called out by Sharon who thinks pushing a mower is unmanly. Since when is manual labor unmanly???

It's a well known fact that I identify with my lawn like many guys identify with their cars or their beer consumption the latter of which is very sad. I take great pride in my lawn and go to great lengths to make it look as good as possible.

The biggest part of being manly, which I don't expect a woman to understand, is knowing how to use the right tool for the job. I live on less than a quarter of an acre which doesn't leave a lot of room for a riding mower. There is no room to turn around and get the very specific trim lines I love looking at. The best way to achieve this is with a self propelled mower. It's not the size of a tool that makes it manly. It's all about using your tools correctly. If you don't have the correct tool you go out and get it.

When I build things with wood I don't use a gigantic chainsaw. If I'm cutting 2x4 for framing I use a compound miter saw. I have a hand-held circular saw which gets use for plywood and small cuts. I will even use a hand saw from time to time if that's what is required.

I understand that being a woman makes it difficult for Sharon to understand concepts like these so I'll simplify it a little more. Do you grab the biggest screwdriver in the toolbox or put the biggest bit on a power drill to tighten a loose screw on your hairdryer? No! You get the screwdriver that fits. Who am I kidding. You probably throw it out and buy a new one.

Sharon will understand the day she grows a penis and learns to mow a lawn with the correct type of mower.


  1. Well played, Husband. Well played. :)

  2. Agreed; But still... if you had a few more acres... wouldn't it increase your manliness with a riding mower?

  3. Of course but that's not the point. It's all about knowing which tool to use and having the right tools for the job. If I was sporting a few acres I'd have a John Deere tractor with a mower and seeding attachment. I guaran-damn-tee you that lawn would look just as good as the little bit I have now which is incredible. I just want to reiterate that my lawn is incredible.

  4. I don't know. I think having a bigger yard and using a riding mower is taking the (pardon my language) pussy way out. Sitting on ones fat ass and driving around a yard is way less manly then actually using your muscles to push a mower around a yard. I like it when my manly husband mows the yard and then brings his wonderful smelling pheromones into the house. But....that's just me. :) (And no, I am not being sarcastic.)