Thursday, November 5, 2009

You take the bad...

Let's talk about the Facts of Life. Not in general, mind you, the TV sitcom.

I never actually watched the show but I was recently made aware that one of the characters lost their virginity and it was a big deal. Looking at the picture above you probably thought what I though but no, it wasn't the hot chick. The actor who played Blair was overtly religious and refused so they went with the next logical choice. Yup, big ol' Natalie gave it up first.


You heard me correctly. Natalie was apparently the best choice. Like me you're probably asking why? This has been lingering in my skull recently so I decided to plot it out. Most will quickly dismiss this by stating that the fat chick is almost always the first to reach home plate unless there is a slut in the group. There really isn't a slut in the group unless you count Cloris Leachman but I don't because she was a casting change later on in the series and doesn't really count. I think it goes much deeper than that. The way I see it many a long night was spent trying to figure out how to do this one. Here is how I think it went down.

I picture a room of very tired writers with white boards figuring it out. Let's start with Tootie.

Tootie - She was off the table faster than you can say "race card." They weren't about to have the black girl be a harlot. It was hard enough countering the other white broads. Plus she was too darned cute. America wouldn't believe it and it would send the wrong message.

Jo - She's pretty much saving herself for Blair and since we know half of that equation cherishes her virginity this one will occur only in our dreams. Mine consists of a greasy Jo riding up on her motorcycle then being washed by Blair. I doubt she'd climb Mount Natalie but who knows. If Jo was to have any form of intercourse with a man I'd assume it would involve her raping the guy.

Blair - Even if she was willing it would be too cliche. Plus she was so stuck up the only person she could make love to would be herself. What a bitch.

That pretty much leaves us with Natalie. I know that there wasn't a lot of love for the manatee of the group but when you think about it she really is the logical choice. When you have a group of ladies such as this the heifer needs to keep up and the best way to do that is by being easy and she most certainly was. Add to that the undeniable truth that nobody looked up to her as a role model and you've got a slam dunk for the coming of age storyline.

Why do such a storyline? They were still teaching abstinence back then so wouldn't it be more logical to have a story featuring her getting to second or third base? Admittedly you can't do a drunken blow job story on a program such as this and it would be too awkward having her say no while some dude feels her up even though that worked on other programs where they can have the attractive girl on the show take a stand for her rights as a lady. Remember Natalie was a role model to nobody so they couldn't use this angle.

This is just one of the many things I think about when I'm up late at night with nothing to watch or read.

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