What's your deal anyway?

I understand that sarcasm is not a universal language even when it's being conveyed in the native language of the individuals it's directed at. Chalk it up to lack of a sense of humor or just being an asshole/bitch.

I've had it explained to me by people before and it's actually pretty funny. To these people if you say something you have to mean it. "If you don't mean it then why say it?" Because it's fucking sarcasm!

The general consensus from the staunchly serious is that it's better to just sit there and stew rather than make light of any situation be it a brief and mundane moment or something life changing. The former doesn't need it and the latter needs to be reflected upon perhaps in a blog or while meditating.

Sarcasm is a tool of the frequently bored. It serves to amuse themselves which is why it frequently comes off as sincere. Because of this it's best to be conservative with your sarcasm unless you're among individuals that "get" you. If I were out with my wife and perhaps my brother and his woman and we were waiting a long time to be seated at a restaurant I'd typically say something like, "If I were to light myself on fire do you think they'd seat us faster? I'm going to give them five minutes." This would elicit a chuckle or two and I'd feel a little better about waiting so long. Other acquaintances of mine would forgo the chuckle and in a serious tone remind me of the Vietnamese monk that set himself on fire to protest his government and how we shouldn't make jokes referencing such serious moments of human suffering. There's not much you can say to that so you breath through your mouth for a moment while everybody forgets what has just transpired then you go back to talking about American Idol which, ironically, is a showcase of human suffering.

It's not just blatant attempts at sarcasm either. Even the smallest of comments seem to set people off. Let me paint you a picture. A purveyor of all things pure and healthy save for a life dominating coffee habit sits down at a cafe for several cups. The garçon (I know it means boy) says something to the tune of "You must really like coffee." while topping off her cup for the sixth time. A normal human being wouldn't construe this as anything except an observation but the hypersensitive individual would most likely fly off the handle and ask for a manager and a discount. Sometimes it's just for the discounts but mostly it's just to be a bitch.

I recently had somebody piss out my fire. I made a gentle jab at the last few presidents for sucking on a grand scale by comparing their meager accomplishments to past presidents who contributed substantially to our great nation. "Douche bag" was used to convey my intent to be humorous. It was subtle but that's how I roll. If you want cheap laughs via props and toilet humor go see Carrot Top. Instead of hitting the "like" button or offering an equally amusing retort, they instead chose to remind me that past presidents partook in activities (though not taboo at the time) that would draw the ire of just about everybody today. It quickly spiraled out of control. Why can't some people just enjoy the ride?

I'm not going to dial it back a few notches. My sarcasm knob goes all the way to 11. If the things people say in jest bother you it's not their problem it's yours. Turn that mirror around and take a good look at that scowl of yours. You're not doing anybody any favors. If somebody drops your food on the ground at a restaurant why don't you try saying something like, "Almost made it." or "Next time try to hit the pile of salt next to my chair. I like my food with a little flavor." rather than berating them about wasting food and asking for a discount.