It's time for another film score blog. When I'm falling into a rut at work I listen to my favorite songs which aren't necessarily songs. I love orchestral pieces from soundtracks. There are plenty of great composers from the days before film and I do enjoy them but there's something transporting about pizzicato strings, rolling timpani drums, and piping trumpets. Here are some more of my favorite tunes.
Star Trek - Jerry Goldsmith
Everybody loves Jerry Goldsmith even when they don't like him. I'm not a huge fan of the Star Trek films and am by no means a Trekkie but I love what Goldsmith did with the films. You get an almost instant sense of the vastness of space and what it takes to traverse it gracefully.
Tron - Wendy Carlos
She wasn't the prettiest lady which was probably because she was a man but that didn't change the fact that she owned the synthesizer. This one takes me in the opposite direction as Goldsmith's Enterprise. It's not vast. It's isolated and has an unnatural fury to it.
The Life Aquatic - Mark Mothersbaugh
Devo's Mothersbaugh does it all in The Life Aquatic but this one is the best. I like the occasional break from the heavy numbers to enjoy his minimalist themes from his work in Wes Anderson films. They're like a good pot pie. Just enough ingredients to keep you happy.
Moon - Clint Mansell
Here's another minimalist track that gives me chills. I think the definition of a perfect soundtrack is the one you don't notice meaning it blends with the visuals completely. I always feel a slight uneasiness when I listen to this and I think it's because of the intent to convey the isolation and urgency of the films protagonist. Very cool, indeed.
That'll do it for this installment. Thanks for stopping by. Don't forget to take a free mint on the way out.
Since I didn't do the math at the beginning we're left with three finalists. Here goes. I originally thought it would be a good idea to just disqualify J&M because nobody knows who they are or what they look like. For all we knew they could be a two headed demon and if that were the case then they absolutely deserve to be in this competition. Jacoby & Meyers vs Larry H. Parker vs Federated All three take a different approach to their plan of attack and you'd think the whackadoos at Federated would be at a disadvantage against powerful lawyers but it's the wild card you need to watch out for. Fred Rated brings dynamite to a knife party while his opponents bring lawsuits. Advantage: Fred. Fred also has a plethora of alter egos that easily occupy the same space so what are a few stuffed shirts to do. Larry H. Parker has made it known that he fights and that he's nearby. I don't know about you but that scares the shit out of me. Advantage: Larry. Jacoby & Meyers have the whole two headed demon thing going so... Advantage: J&M?
It's a pretty even match if you ask me. Let's let it play out. Larry comes out swinging and slaps J&M with a cease and desist order which is met with a counter suit stating that they came up with the lawyer commercial first. Larry argues that he was the first to actually appear in his own commercials and that he doesn't use actors. J&M unleashes a fireball from each mouth which ignites Larry's afro. They fail to notice that Fred has filled the court room with explosives and locked them all in. He shows off the finest in 1980's VCR technology before pushing the plunger blowing the four of them to smithereens. Winner? Fred Rated. He's blown himself up lots of times.
It's time for round two of my Southern California TV commercial all stars fight to the death. Last we left the kings of the LA basin, and let's be honest, the 80's, we had quite the battle going on. The dust has settled and we've got more casualties.
Round 2
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Jacoby & Meyers vs Phil & Jims
This is really a two on two situation when you look at it. I don't think we ever saw Jacoby, Meyers, Phil, or Jim but I can only imagine that they were all gigantic and menacing. Just to recap the first round we've got J&M with commercials that play out like a "very special" episode of Family Ties. P&J went the quick and dirty route and stuck to their catchy jingle that features three words (Phil and Jims) over and over again. As much as I hated the former and only slightly hated the latter there is a clear winner.
Winner
Jacoby & Meyers were obviously loaded knew that tugging at your heart strings was infinitely better than having a sale.
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Earl Scheib vs Larry H. Parker
I've always wondered what would happen if you put these two assholes into a room together. I'm certain that only one of them is walking out alive but he'll be doing so without a finger and/or an ear.
Winner
Youth wins this bout. Larry H. Parker will take Scheib to court for the shoddy paint job and then shank him in the parking lot. Don't fuck with Larry.
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Federated vs Adee Plumbing
We never knew that they were going out of business. We just realized that there were no more Federated commercials. Adee is still going strong and rightfully so. As long as people poop, we'll have a need for plumbers. It was still a great ride while it lasted. There were two amazing events on TV in the 80's. No, not Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault. I'm talking about The Wonderful World of Disney bringing us "The Journey of Natty Gann" and "Flight of the Navigator" and a new Federated commercial.
Winner
Get 'em, Fred.
COMING SOON
The final three way battle for TV commercial supremacy.
Growing up in the Los Angeles basin was quite an experience for kids in the 80's. Part of what made it weird were all the local commercials. I know everybody has their own local commercials where they grew up but humor me. I think ours were the best.
I always wondered who would win in a battle royale between the personalities. We're going to do it bracket style because everybody loves a Cinderella story.
Round 1
-------------------------------------------- Jacoby & Meyers vs FGS Insurance
The battle of the boring. You knew instantly when one of these two snoozers was on that it was time for a quick wee. Jacoby & Meyers were more famous for the incredibly high production value of their commercials over their professional abilities.
FGS Insurance went in the opposite direction by spending as little money as possible on their spots. They must have sponsored the Dodgers at some point because I swear they always managed to get somebody from the outfield to guest star.
WINNER - Jacoby & Meyers
This was an easy one. When you were too sick to change the channel you could do a lot worse than Jacoby & Meyers. Fuck you, FGS Insurance.
-------------------------------------------- Phil & Jim's vs National Lumber
Snappy jingle versus a cartoon. The funny thing about Phil & Jim's was that they were considered dated back then. I still loved the stupid jingle. Philinjims, philinjims, philinjims...
National Lumber also had a jingle but most people forgot it once that seizure inducing chicken opened its beak. The guy that voiced Cheap Chicken played jazz drums with my grandfather. We were more impressed when he played drums than we were when he did the voice for us.
WINNER - Phil & Jim's
Blame the chicken.
-------------------------------------------- Jack Stephan vs Adee Plumbing
Catch phrases are cool. Apparently both of these companies were owned and operated by the same guys so that would explain why their commercials were so simiarl. I'm not sure if either of these qualifies as an actual catch phrase but I loved quoting both of these constantly. Sadly, I can't find a copy of the original Jack Stephan commercial with the Charles Grodin lookalike but you get the idea with this updated version. The original Jack had a full head of hair. He's dead now but his legacy lives on.
Adee plumbing also featured a character that we can only assume is God talking about plumbing problems and the company that fixes it. What plumber wears a double breasted suit? Adee do! This guy is straight up bad ass.
Winner - Adee Plumbing
Come on. Not only is the guy in the suit better looking, he's also clearly the voice of God. Stick that in your pipe and clog it, Morgan Freeman.
-------------------------------------------- Cal Worthington vs Larry Parker
I know I strayed from the formula but hear me out. Two dynamic personalities going to head to head is what this contest is all about. Cal Worthington is a favorite by a mile but only because Larry Parker is such a dweeb.
Or at least Larry used to be a dweeb. Now he's super rich and will sue the shit out of you if you crash your stupid ass into one his clients. You can't even embed his videos. Fuck this guy, right? No way. Larry Parker has the biggest balls on TV. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QnITZm9nFo
Winner - Larry H. Parker
You object? Fuck you. Larry Parker objects. Get over it, pussy.
-------------------------------------------- Federated versus Crazy Gideon
Come on in and spend some cash on overpriced electronics. A trip to Federated was always a good time because they had a Nintendo hooked up. A commercial from Federated was equally awesome thanks to Shadoe Stevens as Fred Rated. The commercials were nuts but that was okay for the former MTV generation.
Come on in and buy some crap. Is loud crazy? I don't know but I'd bet you'd never invite him over for dinner. He's out of business now but so is Federated.
Winner - Federated and Fred Rated
Those things on your arms are goosebumps.
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May Company vs Earl Scheib
This is the wild card spot so it's going to be an obvious slobber knocker. The May Company uses their fancy name to promote murder in the name of fashion. What was murdered? Good taste.
Earl comes out swinging by doing the job on the cheap. How does it look when he's done? You guessed it. Cheap.
Winner - Earl Scheib
There's paint on that fur and Earl is holding the bucket.
I'm a big fan of the James Bond films and you can't have a Bond film without those incredible opening credits. More often than not they feature either scantily clad or complete nude women flying around visuals related to the film. You'd think that would be why I like them and while I do enjoy the ladies it's more about the music for me.
There are 23 Bond films not counting a few one offs but I'm going to focus on the aforementioned Broccoli films. Stylistically, they're all pretty much the same but each artist made sure their track represented them as well as the film since the title track's carry the films as well. Here are my top ten.
10. Diamonds Are Forever - Shirley Bassey
Yeah, this one sounds a lot like the Adele track but I think that's just because all of these songs are so familiar. Shirley Bassey? More like Shirley Classy.
9. Thunderball - Tom Jones
Contrary to my last pick I'm not a very big Tom Jones fan. I never even considered this one until I was trying to choose what I thought were the best. The little bits from the Monty Jordan theme are nicely integrated and go well with Connery's Bond. I may have to start listening to Tom Jones.
8. The World Is Not Enough - Garbage
I'm already a Garbage fan but until Shirley begins making sweet love to your ears it's anything but Garbage. Maybe that's why I like it so much. All of the ingredients are there but as the song progresses you get those little electronic bits that let you know it's Garbage. Garbage. I'm actually surprised that I picked the theme from a Brosnan film.
7. A View To A Kill - Duran Duran
I may have been a little biased when I picked this one since I pretty much never think of James Bond when I hear this song. The Bond hints are a little less obvious here but the departure from the norm almost fits in with Roger Moore's departure. When I think of Christopher Walken and Grace Jones it's suddenly perfect. Bon. Simon Le Bon.
6. You Only Live Twice - Nancy Sinatra
I think I like this one for what it leaves out. It's has a certain ease about it that you really don't get with the other bond themes. The electric guitar is so subtle you'd miss it if you weren't listening for it. No Monty Jordan hints here but that's okay with me.
5. License to Kill - Gladys Night
A lot of people didn't think Timothy Dalton was a very good Bond but I think he was great. The song is a little dated but most pop music from the 80's sounded like this so it's to be expected. Gladys rocks it. It sounds a whole lot like the Goldfinger theme but I prefer this one.
4. You Know My Name - Chris Cornell
I like this song. I won't lie to you. Like the others it has all of the ingredients but when it's paired with the opening titles it sets a much more exciting pace for the film. There aren't any scantily clad ladies but I don't care.
3. Another Way to Die - Jack White/Alicia Keys
The internet didn't like this one very much but I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that the movie was abysmal. I still don't know what it was about. What I do know is that this is a great Bond theme. I even considered making it my number one. The best way to watch this movie is to start it from the beginning then turn it off after the opening titles.
2. Skyfall - Adele
This is the title track for the latest film. It also has the distinction of being the second Adele song I've ever heard. That broad can sing I tell you what. Once again it's instantly recognizable as a Bond theme. It actually made me think of You Only Live Twice. Adele takes her time singing Monty Jordan's timeless tune.
1. Dr. No - Monty Jordan
Of course this is going to be my favorite. You hear this big band number in pretty much every Bond theme. Like the character it's got swagger and strength while being unpretentious. I think we believe James Bond is capable of doing what he does because of this song.
There are shitty bond themes as well. Madonna, Sheryl Crow, and A-Ha had no idea what they were doing when they did their respective themes. Thankfully they were able to lock it all down and are making sure that the scores of the new films are as important as the films themselves.
I hate the terrible lags I have in my blog but when you're a boring guy like me it's hard to find things to write about.
Most recently, the wife and I bid adieu to our Ford Flex. There was nothing wrong with it save for it's massive size that rendered it undrivable for Jill. We took it to and from California and it was a revelation. Sadly we don't go on 3200 mile road trips very often so the merits of motoring in a large vehicle went unnoticed while piloting it around town. I'll miss it because it was a very good car. The only peace of mind I get is the awesome car we've replaced it with.
I'd always had my eyes on the Subaru Outback but the planets just didn't align until recently. I tried to buy one when I was cross shopping the Flex but the dealership really didn't want to sell me one so I bought the Flex and got a killer deal on it so that's what I got. Jill can drive the Outback and as soon as she learns how to use her side mirrors she'll be a lot more comfortable driving it.
The other new love of my life is my tablet. I've been considering them for awhile now. I'm enamored with my iPhone and how it was faster than my bargain laptop. Sadly it's just a little too small to do everything I need a computer for so I was stuck with my laptop. My only real options were the iPad and Galaxy tablet up until now and both cost way more than I prefer to spend. Mind you, I only use my laptop for pretty basic internet stuff. All the major stuff I do is done on a mighty computer but it's in the basement and not portable. When the Kindle Fire hit the scene with it's Graham friendly price tag I took notice but kept my distance. I wasn't sure if it was exactly what I wanted. I had a decent interface but it lacked what I wanted so I figured I'd just wait until either the second generation or something better came along. More than anything I liked the size. Enter the Google Nexus 7 which is another 7" tablet with way more power, a better screen, and the same price tag. I was smitten and Jill was gracious enough to combine a few birthdays and Christmas together for an early mega gift. Yeah, we don't like to spend too much on each other. It's not that we don't love each other and want to shower each other with gifts. We just choose to be smart with our money and blow it on vacations instead.
I pre-ordered it so I had to wait a week or two for it but now that I have it I can honestly say the wait was worth it. I still crack open my laptop every now and then but I've been doing pretty much everything via tablet. I'm converted. Best things ever.
I turn 34 in three weeks which isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Aside from my hair getting thinner and going grey I'm doing pretty well physically. My doctor told me that my cholesterol was too high so I gave up butter (I ate a lot of it) and started watching what I was eating. I've dropped a few pounds but I find that I'm hungry more often than I used to be. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. I haven't been exercising like I should be. Jill has been keeping up with hers and I feel like a schmuck for not doing the same. Motivation is a biggie for me. After a weeks worth of work I just don't want to get on the treadmill. I know if I just keep up with it I won't really notice how much I don't like doing and will just be in the habit of it. Somebody motivate me.
Keeping up with my awesome segues I'll just jump right into music. I've been trying to work on music but I'm back in a funk and just can't work out what I want to do. I know I'm over thinking it but I can't help it. It's what I do. One of these days it will click again and I'll be on the ball. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
This is a really boring blog so I'm just going to stop right here.
