Friday, July 17, 2009

It's Friday. That means it's time to...

It's Friday which means it's time to ask Graham. Graham will do his best to answer your questions about all things men should know but some just don't. He knows more than you do.

Anonymous writes:
My question is about preparing and cooking meat. I am a big fan of meat and would like to know the manly secrets of grilling. I'd like to start small then work my way to other meats and then maybe try some vegetarian treats. Thanks for the hand.

Your buddy,
Adam Pierce
Rochester, NY

I'd like to do this anonymously so I can impress my girlfriend.

Graham responds:
Thanks for putting your trust in me Anonymous. I pity any foo that doesn't know how to prepare and cook meat. I'm pretty sure that all men are born with the ability to select, season, then cook all forms of meat available today and by meat I mean beef, pork, poultry, fish, etc.

Since you were born without this important manly feature I'll help you out in case there are any post op transsexuals out there that may also want to know.

First and foremost you need to select your meat. There are two different ways to get your meat. You can get it from a butcher's shop or from the butcher at your local grocery store. I know they sell pre-packaged stuff but that's what chicks buy.

You want the biggest cut you can buy so people will gawk at the size of your meat. Take it home and unwrap it. Grunt at it then grab your girlfriend's/wife's ass.

Fire up your grill. This is the only way to cook meat. Mr. Foreman's novelty grill doesn't count. Put your meat on a plate and take it to the grill. You'll want to put your plate about six inches from the grill. Take your tongs and place the meat on the grill. After it stops sizzling that means the meat is done. Take your meat inside and show it to your girlfriend/wife. When they look away, grab their ass.

That's about it. You really don't need to do anything else. If you need seasoning or steak sauce, it's overcooked.

There aren't any vegetarian things you can cook on a grill because grills are made for cooking meat.

Get our there, find some meat, cook it, then eat it. Invite people over to eat it with you.

Enjoy your weekend.

If you or anybody you know has questions about how to be manly and/or do manly things. Let me know. I'd be more than happy to set them straight.

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