Broken and Shaken

I've decided to blog my recovery. It's been very difficult thus far so maybe putting it all down here will help. This should at least be better than replaying it in my head over and over.

On Monday the 2nd I was killing time while Henry took a nap and managed to lock myself out of the house and in the backyard. I didn't want to wake Henry so I decided to hop my 6' fence. I knew it was a mistake before I hopped down but I did it anyway. I immediately slipped when I landed. I knew that I had dislocated my elbow and probably broke a bone or two.

I was between the houses but I heard my neighbors next door and yelled for help. An ambulance was called and I was taken to the ER. Four hours later I was released with my elbow back in place save for a broken bone that was not. I would have to wait until the end of the week to get that fixed.

The moment I fell I immediately thought about Jill and Henry and what this would mean for them. Jill is capable doing all the baby stuff but having to be the sole caregiver was what really worried me. I then thought of Henry and how much all of our time together means for me. Depression set in pretty quick and all I could think of was what I've done to the two people I love the most in the world.

By Friday everything was back to where it should be thanks to a couple of long screws. Jill's parents have helped so much during all of this and there is probably no way we'll ever be able to thank them.

I went back to work Monday but I've been suffering quite a bit. I've cried for my wife and son more than I'd like to admit. I thought I was reacting to stress from my injury but I'm fairly certain it's mental. I've been having difficulty eating which I know will hinder the healing process.

I'm trying to take it day by day but all I can focus on is the minimum of 6 weeks of recovery. I've always been a fast healer but this is very different. I didn't have people depending on me before and now I can't do anything for them.

I've been trying to keep my fingers moving but that's very challenging as I can really only make fists. It's as if I'm being restrained. I've got everybody I know praying for me and Jill is managing but I still have to do my time.

I hate myself a lot right now.