Doing what I want instead of what I should

I've been a bit selfish lately. I've been neglecting a song that I was well on the way of having finished on time before I got bored with the mess I was making of it. I've also given my wife maybe one half assed back rub. I'm not really obligated to do the former and I'd prefer not to do the latter even though it makes my wife happy.

It's not that I haven't felt satisfied because I have. I got a new car that utterly rules and I've been enjoying my favorite sandwich from Ralph's Subs in Orange now that I've acquired the ingredients to make an almost exact replica of it. It's not just about sandwiches either. I've been tending to my lawn which is quite beautiful and anybody who has taken the "About Me" quiz via Facebook knows that mowing the lawn is my favorite thing to do even though it should be playing guitar in the basement.

I was much more committed (and arguably better) at the guitar when I had a regular musical outlet in the form of a pretty good band and another delusional band that was equally awesome in our heads at least. I don't have any regrets about giving that up in favor of a house and a lawn far from it. I would jump at the chance to play some shows and at least play a little rock every now and then but honestly I just don't want to put in the level of commitment it requires. My last band consisted of two guys with a moderately heavy background in the local music scene. Both had been regularly paying their dues and enjoyed frequent rehearsals. Our drummer was the most tenacious out of all of us and was a polar opposite to my level of commitment which was usually to throw in one good rehearsal before a show the next night. It's not that I thought I was that good because I wasn't. I just never liked practicing or working at things. I like to just jump in and do it.

I take the same approach with recording myself. I have nothing that could resemble a studio. It's pretty much two guitars and some pirated software on an underpowered computer. With that I try my darnedest to make what I have sound like a normal song rather than something a recording novice like myself did in his basement. The unfortunate thing is that there are needs associated with that. I need a bass guitar, bass amp, drums, mics, and a decent means of mixing all of that. Instead I have to mic my guitar amp, fake a bass guitar with it and program all of my drums. Don't even get me started on what my voice sounds like when I record. I've played my prior attempt for several people and the typical response was, "You're better than this." Am I really or am I just used to the benefit of having talent around me?

I know if I just sit down and hit record and turn off the personal critic I could finish my music quickly and decently but I don't because that nagging idea that I'm potentially better than what I'm doing makes me want to continually tweak the last 10 seconds of sound that I just recorded to make it sound the way I think it should sound. I'm not even going to blame the things that I've been doing instead since I have had ample opportunities to work on my song. Honestly, after a long day at work I just want to sit with my wife and dog and not work at a computer.

On the subject of being adequate I've learned that the Pixies are doing a new album. I was initially excited but then I took to pondering what that would mean. It could be good and probably will be but therein lies the problem. I'm prepared to hear a good album but I know it's not going to be a great album. It's not going to be what I knew them to be back when they were using the fledgling group to develop what would eventually move on to other projects for them. This leaves the debate. Why be good when you've already been great? Sloan is great. I think every album, including the bad ones, are great. They keep it going so there is no lapse to get used to a particular album. I don't sit with Navy Blues or Between the Bridges hoping that the next album will have similar songs on it. They've become so good at stealing from themselves one only needs to listen to an album a few times to realize that it's something special and doesn't need to be held up to their previous efforts since they've been part of an evolutionary process. The Pixies left well enough alone and that's been enough all these years. Sometimes it's just better to stick with what you know rather than trying to re-ignite that old spark especially when you know damn well that some other kids found your matchbook and already burned through whatever you left in there.

Bringing it back to me I find myself in a strange place because I never really found that groove which leads me to believe that I could still pull off something great if I just knew where to start. Instead I'm trying to modify what is already perfect so it sounds like something I did which to me it most definitely does currently because it's unfinished and sounds like crap. It's like widdling away at a piece of wood. A good widdler knows that less is more and knows when to stop. He doesn't expect any more than he gets out of a piece of wood. What I do is cut away at the wood until all that is left is a much smaller piece of wood that I can't do anything with.

I'm going to take that piece of wood and see if there is anything I can work out. There is still a lot of options left but I think I went in the wrong direction when I started. I started widdling a monkey when I knew I should have just made a duck.

Let's make a list. My wife makes lists and usually gets through most of her list
Finish song
Minor landscaping
Finish work bench in garage
Shelving for basement storage
Re-arrange office
Write some damn songs

That's a realistic list for me. I won't likely finish it all before my 31st birthday but I would like to finish at least one.

Paper cups needed

Jill and I were finally able to replace our espresso machine that bit the dust last Winter. Thanks to some lavish purchases we had sufficient credit card points to buy ourselves a much nicer espresso machine. It's not a fantastic machine but unlike our old one this one is fully cleanable and has sufficient instructions on how to do so. I'm fortunate enough to know how to make these delicious coffee drinks thanks to the years (decade?) that I spent at the Coffee Grove in Villa Park. I think I actually learned how to make drinks while on a short staffed day an employee had to use the bathroom. I offered to watch the door. Two hours after said person returned from the bathroom I removed my apron and enjoyed a free beverage.

This isn't the first time I worked someplace without actually working there. Besides the time I covered my brother in the Burger King drive through a year and a half after I quit working there I also did a stint at First Class Pizza. I went in to order a free pizza and my friend who owned the place plopped a ball of dough on the counter and said, "You know where the cheese is at." I made about 15 pizzas that night because I had nothing better to do.

Anyhoo, I've got a new espresso machine and I'm enjoying a drink of the Mocha persuasion. I'll likely have an espresso or cappuccino after dinner tonight because I'm cool like that. $10 worth of beans will likely pay for itself by later this evening. It will be nice to go back to only paying for an expensive coffee drink while traveling.

For those of you keeping track, my front lawn is looking awesome. The back lawn is getting there. I began raking the entire lawn this weekend to remove the dead grass from last year that is choking out the live grass trying to grow from underneath it. We had a nice all day rain on Tuesday which helped quite a bit. The Sun is back though so I'll have to go back to watering the lawn. I have timers on my hoses but they don't quite get every spot like a real sprinkler system does. Still it's a pretty honest job for $130 worth of hoses, timers, and sprinkers compared to a $3500 built in sprinkler system. It would probably work a little better if I hadn't gone el cheapo on the sprinklers.

Rewind to June 2008. We had just moved in and were pretty sure a sprinkler system was the way to go for us. I ran to Home Depot and picked up the cheapest sprinkler heads and hose I could find thinking they were only temporary. The sprinkler guy came and went with an astronomical estimate. I never went back and bought sufficient hoses and sprinklers. I've made due with them and will likely continue to do so until next Spring when I go scientific on our yard's ass. I'll be pulling out the measuring tape and the graph paper to plot out where the sprinklers will go. It will be some time before we install a permanent system because we still haven't done a lot of landscaping. I want most of our big things to be done so I know where things will need to go. We're going to start a planter next Spring when money will hopefully be less of an issue.

I'll snap some pictures today of what we have going on yard wise (after I mow the backyard of course) so all three of my readers won't have to imagine what I'm talking about. I'm certain they're all pretty excited.

Linktastic!

I don't use my free time finding strange and amusing stuff on the internet. I just stumble upon it by accident.

I'm a Jesus fan I won't lie. I also appreciate the lengths in which people will go to make him contemporary.

Along with Buddy Christ this is an awesome example but sometimes the execution is a little too funny or downright strange. One such example is "With You Always." This guy is quite the sketch artist but his drawings range from surreal to downright strange. Here are some re-occurring characters both having their way with each other under the watchful eye of King of Kings.


I'm also very fond of "This is Photobomb." This is why.

I'd link them but I don't want the web site owners to be mad at me for sharing their pictures with you.

Winding down

My vacation is coming to an end not unlike a dark ride at Disneyland. I'm just about to the court room on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride about to meet my doom in the form of a flashlight flying over my head. I don't think my vacation will end in Hell amidst laughing devils but you never know these days.

I haven't been able to finish my tune because our postal service feels the need to put my strings on a shelf to wait until the appropriate amount of days have passed to ensure I'm reminded of why FedEx and UPS are superior. It's not that Omaha doesn't have places to buy strings. It probably has a crap load. I don't know where they are and I'm not inclined to go looking. Amazon sells what I want and need. My fingers are crossed for a delivery in the next day or so. I'm equally excited about the aeration sandals that are coming as well. They'll probably suck which means I'll spend the next month re-engineering them to work while I should be doing things like finishing my damn song.

They say a writer writes and a musician plays. I work so that would definitely make me a loser. I used to write songs back in the day. I never had the inclination (the means were always there) to record any of it. Once I started the process of finishing things I tend to get a little melancholy about it. I'm thinking it's because I hate the prospect of finishing something and not having anything to do afterward. Maybe that's why I tend to leave the last bite of food when I eat. It's not that I don't want it and it's not that I'm full. I just have this mental block that says, "Don't let this be over." The funny thing is that I know damn well that the last bite I take is my last bite. I'm irrational.

I need a beard but growing one is such an exhausting undertaking. A week of firm hairs stabbing my neck where my second chin rests on my Adam's apple. Add to that the fact that I look like Jimmy the Cab Driver while working my way towards that indie rocker look I don't even remotely fit.

Enough about my problems. Here is a picture of a stupid car I parked next to today. I think these cars should change their name from Smart to Dumb because that's what they are.

I might as well just throw my guitar in the trash.

Sorry for the long title.

Here there be dragons.

This is my fourth consecutive day off from work and still I find myself uneasy about not working. I know that it's imperative to take time off to keep from burning out but I'm used to working all year and taking time off at either the beginning or end of the year. It helps me stay focused on work and projects. I have projects on the burner currently but they're on hold pending several other people finishing what needs to be finished.

What does a person who works from home do on his vacation? I sleep in, eat meals, and watch TV. I spend a little time online doing the things I typically do after work. That creates a problem though. What do I do in the afternoon? I've already looked at everything hat needs to be looked at. I feel like I should be updating spreadsheets and following up with field technicians. I need to relax.

I have a few things to occupy my time. I'm still learning how to use my car. This morning I learned how to run a diagnostics report using Sync. I need to drive it around for a little bit to actually pull information. I also need to call the finance company and have them update our information. My wife's name is not Jull.

I have a yard that needs TLC. If the weather wasn't crappy today I'd be out back pulling weeds. It's a little depressing working on the back lawn because it's in really bad shape. Our front lawn is doing fairly well but that could be because of the lawn treatments that are done to it. This year I wanted to see if I could do it better but it's becoming apparent that I am not doing a good job. I could also blame the crappy sod that was laid last year which sounds good to me.

We're going to hit up the zoo on Thursday for the heck of it then maybe do some light traveling this weekend around Iowa. Maybe I'll put up some pictures.