Square One

Just as things were getting back to normal, I experienced what has been described to me as a freak accident. I was replacing the sheet on Henry's mattress in preparation to begin sleep training him and moving back into my own bed. While stretching the sheet with my good arm and holding it with my bad arm there was a pop and suddenly I was on the floor watching my arm and hand twitch.

I screamed of course but didn't pass out incredibly. I told Jill to get Henry in the car and to stay away. I put my elbow back myself, thinking it was just a dislocation due to the extremely tight joints just slipping. my upper arm was also bending strangely but I had no reason to believe it was anything other than a dislocation. I held it all in place the best I could and made my way downstairs. Jill drove me to the emergency room.

Once there I had to wait for what seemed like an eternity. They finally got me into a room where I would spend the next three hours. I accepted morphine straight away but it didn't help much. I was quite cranky with the staff due to the severe pain. My father in law arrived and kept me calm while I waited. Jill had to get Henry home so he could be fed. The x-ray techs brought a portable machine this time but it took a lot of effort to get a shot of it. The two girls were very patient and nice. Moments later I'd be told that my humerus was broken. Again.

It was a spiral fracture that began near the end of one of my screws from the last surgery. It had apparently been weakening the bone until it just couldn't take it anymore. I would have to be admitted to the hospital. An army of nurses came in and got me splinted. My screams were so loud, my wife could hear me in the waiting room.

Once they had me adequately wrapped, I was moved upstairs to my temporary home. I painfully made my way into the uncomfortable hospital bed. I was given a shit-ton of pain killers then said goodnight to Jill. My heart broke as she left and I cried quietly as the drugs took hold.

The next morning was about what I expected. I was sick from the meds and couldn't do much of anything. I was visited by my doctor but was too out of it to comprehend anything. He came back when Jill arrived. I managed a bite of a hamburger and some soda but I couldn't bring myself to eat. I would later fill one and a half puke bags. Thanks, drugs. I was able to eat some jello after that.

They tried to put an immobilizer on my arm but my arm had too much stuff on it for them to fasten it. They hurt me quite a bit and I was very mean to them. They sent in another guy to help me get the sling back on then I passed out. I continued to be mean to everybody since I didn't know what they had done to me the night before and didn't think they were fixing anything. The head nurse came in and got me a doctor to speak with. I still wouldn't understand until later in the day. I was given a much lighter pain killer and slept better that night.

Friday morning I was doing better. I had calmed down and was able to use the restroom with less pain. My nurse helped me to a recliner in my room which was a little better than the bed. I slowly ate some cereal so I could take some more pain meds. Jill sent me a photo of her and Henry. I cried again but had to compose myself so I could heave the nurse bring me Kleenex. Jill called at that moment and I continued to sob like a baby. She talked me down and told me she was on her way with clean clothes. Once she arrived I perked up. We got me dressed and discharged.

I was happy to be home but I knew that this was going to be the beginning of a very long road to recovery. I see me doctor in a week and I will hopefully have a better idea of what to expect during the coming weeks.

One Month

I wrecked my elbow a month ago and while the recovery is ongoing I'm in decent shape.

I've abandoned the hinged brace because it was keeping my arm in a bad position which was what was making my wrist sore. I'm in physical therapy now and after my first appointment I'm feeling pretty good. She got things mostly where they should be and now I have to keep moving it a certain way to keep it that way.

The muscles are still very tight but I'm getting more motion every day. My hand still doesn't work right and I'll be very upset if I need another surgery to correct it. Some days I can almost straighten my fingers but it's still really weak.

I've resumed most of my Henry activities and have begun wearing my wedding ring again. I still have trouble getting him into positions after picking him up since my arm still has a way to go until I can bend it but just being able to do most of what I used to be able to do feels good.

Halfway There

It's been three very long weeks since they fixed my arm but I still have at least three weeks. The doctor said six to eight weeks but I'm confident I'll be in pretty good shape by week six.

Pain is minimal and more in my forearm when I twists my wrist wrong. I have to be careful when washing my hands because lefty still doesn't work very well.

I'm much more active than I was a week ago. I can do simple tasks like opening doors and jars without much trouble and I can change diapers and dress Henry without too much trouble which takes some of the burden off of Jill. I still can't really pick HENRY up except to get him on my lap, stand him up, and lay him down. I can't move him from room to room.

I've adjusted to typing with one hand but I'm not very fast. I've tried using left hand but only my index finger works correctly so I'll have to wait for my hand to be working correctly before I'm able to type or play guitar. On the plus side I can touch my nose pretty easily and I can slowly apply deodorant to my right armpit with my left hand.

I've also gone back to wearing my compression sleeve. The swelling had gone down and I was getting a few degrees of motion every day but after laying on my arm wrong the night before last I had some more swelling. I'll be icing it down today and taking it a little bit easier on myself.

More than anything I want to get better so life can get back to normal. As much as I want to push myself to do as much as I can and heal up sooner I know I've got to let this one run its course.

Getting Better

I got my stiches out on Tuesday and had the half cast removed. I just wear a compression sleeve and a hinged arm brace now which has improved my daily life quite a bit.

I can take a shower now which is awesome. My arm was so nasty underneath all that stuff so it was good to scrub it down. I still have to be careful around the incision site which is fine because I'm too afraid to scrub it. The best part is not having to bag my arm and clumsily bathe in the tub. I still have clean myself with one arm but it's better.

My arm is still very weak due to muscle and tissue damage but I can change Henry's clothes and diapers with minimal struggle. I still can't pick him up which means Jill still has to suffer. I can only lift about two lbs.

Typing is still a challenge sine I can only make a fist with my left hand. As the nerves and muscles heal I should get all of that back. My only other issue is the limited motion of the arm and the swelling. I really want this compression sleeve off.

My job until my next appointment it to touch my nose which is still really hard. I hope I buff up enough to do it so they can give me more motion in the arm. Day by day.

Still Broken

I had a better day yesterday. I'm on Zofran for nausea now which Jill thinks is psychosomatic. She's probably right. I'm a pretty anxious person to begin with so I'm just watching the clock/calendar while I heal.

My hand still doesn't work very well but that's to be expected. I was told to move my fingers so that's what I do but it's exhausting. Every now and then I move my arm in a funny way and it hurts. That's probably also making me anxious.

I took a bath last night because I get dirty really quick now. I'm going to try to make to next week's appointment with just one more deep cleaning. Hopefully whatever they  do on Tuesday will improve my mobility. This half cast and gauze  wrap sucks. The itching where my stitches are also sucks.

I just want to fast forward. My anniversary is on Tuesday and the only thing I'm giving my wife is another day of having to take care of Henry on her own. I'm a shittastic husband.

Broken and Shaken

I've decided to blog my recovery. It's been very difficult thus far so maybe putting it all down here will help. This should at least be better than replaying it in my head over and over.

On Monday the 2nd I was killing time while Henry took a nap and managed to lock myself out of the house and in the backyard. I didn't want to wake Henry so I decided to hop my 6' fence. I knew it was a mistake before I hopped down but I did it anyway. I immediately slipped when I landed. I knew that I had dislocated my elbow and probably broke a bone or two.

I was between the houses but I heard my neighbors next door and yelled for help. An ambulance was called and I was taken to the ER. Four hours later I was released with my elbow back in place save for a broken bone that was not. I would have to wait until the end of the week to get that fixed.

The moment I fell I immediately thought about Jill and Henry and what this would mean for them. Jill is capable doing all the baby stuff but having to be the sole caregiver was what really worried me. I then thought of Henry and how much all of our time together means for me. Depression set in pretty quick and all I could think of was what I've done to the two people I love the most in the world.

By Friday everything was back to where it should be thanks to a couple of long screws. Jill's parents have helped so much during all of this and there is probably no way we'll ever be able to thank them.

I went back to work Monday but I've been suffering quite a bit. I've cried for my wife and son more than I'd like to admit. I thought I was reacting to stress from my injury but I'm fairly certain it's mental. I've been having difficulty eating which I know will hinder the healing process.

I'm trying to take it day by day but all I can focus on is the minimum of 6 weeks of recovery. I've always been a fast healer but this is very different. I didn't have people depending on me before and now I can't do anything for them.

I've been trying to keep my fingers moving but that's very challenging as I can really only make fists. It's as if I'm being restrained. I've got everybody I know praying for me and Jill is managing but I still have to do my time.

I hate myself a lot right now.