Friday, February 10, 2012

Disney World Trip Report - Day 1

Before we begin I'll set the ground rules. I don't use abbreviations and I don't call it "Disney" because there are other parks out there with a similar moniker. I may switch back and forth between first and third person. I may use naughty words. Not because I think it makes me sound like a badass but because sometimes you need a specific word. Let's begin.

The airline Gods smiled upon us with good flight times so I got an extra hour of sleep. I usually sleep on the plane but I'll jump at any opportunity to spend an extra hour in my bed. It's that damned good. Jill gets up first because her routine is for more complicated than mine. Even though Jill gets out of bed first I get to lay in bed while listening to her getting ready. I know I'll have to get up soon but I just lay there with my eyes closed pretending I don't know what time it is. I showered, ate, had a nice BM, then loaded up the car.

I'm an experienced traveler. I don't travel as much as other people but I've been through airports enough to know how it all works. I respect the process. The twenty people ahead of me in line don't. They leave their shoes, watches, belts, jackets, and hand grenades on their person as they walk past the numerous signage telling them not to only to be stopped by the metal detector and a mouth breather with a badge that tells them they can't wear all that crap through the metal detector. All my stuff is in a bin and ready to go. Do I get to cruise under the magical, beeping arch? Of course not. I'm pointed towards the sperm killing, human x-ray machine. I ask to be fondled by somebody with bad breath and a lazy eye. They oblige. I think it was more awkward for him. I was free of bomb residue so I was permitted to retrieve my valuables that would have been sitting out in the open for anybody to take had my wife not been there. They let her go through like a normal person.

I got my coffee and crappy, breakfast sandwich. No, it was shitty. Crappy is far to kind a word for that tragedy on a croissant. I had a bowl of cereal before we left but a short layover in Atlanta guaranteed no lunch so the extra food was needed.

We proceeded to wait for our plane to board. Medication was consumed before we boarded and shortly thereafter we were off. It was a nice flight but the pilot must have been live Tweeting his landing. "I'm landing the plane now. #roughlandings"

The short leg of our flight was on a much larger plane which of course means we get smaller seats. The old guy wearing a parka next to me decided that I didn't need any part of the arm rest. I'd also like to add it was about 90 degrees on the plane. The bumpiness made it even better. I didn't sleep.

Orlando's airport took a page out of Atlanta's playbook and decided to leave the AC in the off position. Thankfully we were out of there pretty quick and on our way to the Pop Century "resort." The bus ride is uninteresting so let's skip ahead to Pop Century.

Jill got us all checked in. She does it because I apparently have a cadence to my voice that makes people unwilling to do anything nice for me. Being handsome does nothing to counteract it. We got a pretty good room that was bed bug free so I allowed Jill and the bags to enter. I put on some shorts and added some extra Old Spice to the pits because it was flipping hot. I ate a pretty stellar hamburger at the food court and we were off to Epcot Center. Sorry, it's just Epcot now. No! It's Epcot Center. Fuck that. I love Epcot Center. I know that's not what they call it anymore but I do and that's all that counts.

We walked onto Spaceship Earth which is pretty much the best ride ever. I'd explain the dynamics of the ride to you but that would ruin the magic. It's incredible and I love it. We also got on Test Track after waiting in what may be the shortest line we've ever had for that ride. I could describe Test Track for you but the name is pretty much self explanatory. Like most rides you're let out into a gift shop though this one has various Chevrolets accompanying the usual arsenal of Stitch related products and other Disney trinkets with an automotive twist. What followed would have an adverse affect on my visit. I noticed that the cast members at Disney World actually have desirable pins. The staff at Disneyland are usually stripped of their good pins during the first moments of the day by rabid pin traders looking to get that last pin for their ridiculous collections.

I have a small pin collection. I don't really go in for character pins but I love the obscure ones. I have a few pins done up like Fast Passes and the old ride tickets. These can be found on cast lanyards all over the place. I KNOW! I bought a (relatively) cheap set of pins for the purpose of trading for better ones. At roughly $4.50 a pin it's a decent deal. I would later buy two more packs of cheap pins which I would carry about the parks in case I saw a pin I wanted. I'd bug pretty much every cast member to see their pins. It's an illness. I got a crap load of pins.

We then walked several miles to my second favorite ride, Maelstrom. It's another magical ride but I'll explain it in great detail because unlike Spaceship Earth it doesn't suck when you describe it.

You're greeted by a viking with a glowing eye. "Those who seek the spirit of Norway face peril and adventure, but more often find beauty and charm. We have always lived with the sea except for six months in 2003 when we lived with Jeff." I may have made up that last part but you can clearly see that this isn't your average ride. We're treated to a brief history lesson about Norway featuring vikings, polar bears, trolls, and oil rigs. I made none of that up. "The spirit of Norway is and always will be ADVENTURE!" That and oil rigs. And trolls.

We made our way farther through the World Showcase perusing the various shops and bugging cast members to see their pins. We stopped in Morocco because it rules and because the mint tea and baklava is very good. We snapped a few photos and were on our way.

We hit up Spaceship Earth one more time then made our way back to the bus stops. I hate them but I'm too cheap to take a cab and don't want to fuss with a rental car so I suffer the indignity of taking the bus with the riffraff staying at our resort. It's not really a resort per se but that's what they call it so that's what I call it.

I never have much of an appetite on travel days so I grabbed some chili fries at the food court. Jill had some veggies. On our last two trips we typically filled our mugs with hot chocolate before heading back to our room so could unwind. I made two attempts at chocolate and came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it since the first time it was about room temperature. The second time it had the consistency of pudding and was still about as warm as a fart.

We got back to the room and got further situated. I hit the shower first then promptly fell asleep. The bed sucked but most beds do after you go the Tempurpedic route. Jill got ready as well and apparently made a racket. I was dead to the world so I didn't experience any of it.

All in all a pretty good day if you ask me. You better believe there's more. I'm going to rock your world with my recap of our trip. Prepare to be whelmed.

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